The Electrical Impulses of the Planet

When you're a professional medium, it's refreshing to make discoveries without the help of the dead. I'm a big girl, I can make my own observations too. Like, bribing my kid to practice for his piano lessons with ipad time works. He is definitely under the spell of the sushi monster math app, he's completely possessed by Cut the Rope, and he has a deep soul connection with the xbox. Moreover, not all hockey moms make their crying infants go back into the rink and let their kids eat ice off their skates and demand that their potato bug faced minimes take after their beer guzzling DD lovin' dads. In fact, most of these not predominately sports attired families have been over the Sagamore Bridge at least a few times since birth.

I found out the one certified homebirth midwife who travels to Cape Cod is moving, so unless I plan for a immediate conception and premature labor then my dreams of multiplying here are sunk. I wonder what my OBGYN would think about my birth plan, or my Orgasmic Birth spreadsheet? "Week 34: exercise too much, make love too often, take too much caster oil, and go on really long hikes, pop my amniotic sack with a knitting needle and then have oral sex thereby increasing the likelihood of infection." Inducing labor naturally is basically just living the Los Angeles dream, except the needle is inserted through the vagina, not into the forearm. I often envisoned myself giving birth alone under a waterfall which means I am even more primitive than previously suspected. According to Bill Wallauer, Jane Goodall Institutes' leading chimpanzee researcher and videographer, in my recent interview with him for WOMR, in the wild birthing chimps seek solitude.

Viewing life through a shamanistic theosophical transcendental worldview is pretty soul-sating. The complexity of human consciousness in the afterlife, as well as the interplay of spiritual beings on earth makes the hypnotic trance of the boob tube less inviting than ever. Not that dont enjoy me some Portlandia or Nature program every now and then.