Because They Were On Sale

I thought I'd share some experiences that I have been having lately. About a week ago, I discovered a lump in one of my breasts, right over my heart. I asked my husband to investigate, which he did willingly. With his tongue. And that's when I realized my husband is not a doctor. So, after a more professional examination, we discovered the lump was very hard, and also sore to the touch. I told him to remember that he was a healer, and to channel white light, and do like Jesus and all that. He massaged my breast, and I prayed and visualized white light entering my body. And added a dollop, of "Help me God, please, help me now." And in about five minutes, there was no perceptible lump. I've heard of a lump in your throat, but Jeez, I think my mass was a "lump in my heart". A day later, it was still gone, but another bunch of fibrous tissue was below my nipple in the same breast. We did the same thing, but without the use of the muscular hydrostat. And it worked again. The appearance and disappearance seem to be a message from God, telling me to wake up. And also, to take care of my body.

On Tuesday, I felt a mild pressure in my uterus. On Wednesday I woke up with aching knees. I thought the knee pain was due to the pink Converse I had bought to feel like a hipster. And because they were on sale. I was like, this is why I wear heels damnit! By the early afternoon, my uterus was sounding an alarm. I worried it was a baby-sized fibroid, but hoped it was from orgasming too much. I know, first world problems. Whatever it was, I thought "this is bad news". Then, my ankles swelled up like I had gotten the gout from Damiano's doughy Pizza. They were so swollen you could stick a fork in them. And in fact I did. Not really, but I was able to push my thumb into my swollen ankle to make a nice lasting impression. What is happening, God? Whenever I get scared shitless I consult my Father Who Art in Heaven. Is my immune system going kabluey on me? By the time my class rolled around I was a mess. And then, something amazing happened. We danced.

Tracey Crowell, my co-teacher, took us through a journey of wild, tribal, ecstatic dance. And my body moved exactly how it wanted to, with little intervention from my mind. In fact, it was the most free my body had ever moved in my life. We don't know what liberation is. Without ecstatic dance and group singing, we don't know what group synergy is. We think, because all day we chat on the phone to our friends that we are connecting on some deep level. But, we're not doing each other any favors by listening to each other whine about how much things suck. Bitching and moaning can have its place in release, but if you wanna go deep, you've gotta move and make noise. You've gotta vibrate with the earth, the moon, and the stars, with water molecules, with the the lion, the mouse, the beaver, the orangutan. In every culture, people have come together to celebrate, to heal, to share, to connect, to be. And we isolate ourselves, with labels, ideas, and trick ourselves into the sensation of separateness and disconnection. Most think if they have a partner or their family and status emblems, they are done. But what about community? What about global consciousness? What about connecting to spirit, connecting to the collective heart and soul, through sound and movement? Now that's the path to bliss and evolution.

It's something we have to strive for. To be daring enough to be our authentic selves. To discover the parts of ourselves that lay dormant, to find out what our voices do when no one tells them what do to. To find out what our bodies do, when our brains don't instruct. Liberation is freedom from judgment. Freedom from fear. I shook and gyrated close to the floor. I jumped and I pumped my arms and I let my body do the talking. Sensual movement is wonderful, but dance can transcend all of it, encompass all types of consciousness simultaneously. It makes living on earth make sense. Striving to achieve authenticity is what life is all about. After moving in ways that released my tension, emotions, and pain, after hooping and hollering, by the end of class, I had no pain. No soreness. Just bliss running through my veins.

I took action. Today, I drank Earl Grey instead of coffee. I stopped using make-up with chemicals. I started drinking diuretic and uterine tonic herbs. I've been eating salads all day. And, when my heart feels blocked, I'm pushing through it. I know what my breasts feel like expressing milk, so I am using those channels to release sadness and heartache. It goes back through the years, back through childhood abandonment, back through ancestral adversity and hardships. I'm cleaning my blood and I'm savoring each moment. Life's too short to follow the for sale signs.

That's a metaphor. Cheap stuff can be the best. You know what I mean.